27-year-old new mom refuses to miss out on her first Mother's Day, refuses to attend husband's birthday party planned by her mother-in-law on that day: “His mom will drag me through the mud”

Everyone and anyone can celebrate Mother's Day! Even if you cannot celebrate it with your own mother, you likely know a woman that is a mom and deserves to be praised for her child-rearing efforts. As someone who is not yet a mother, it must be such a strange, table-turning moment when you go from celebrating the moms in your life to being the one getting the praise in the month of May. 

In our story today, a new mom is almost robbed of her first opportunity to celebrate Mother's Day as a mother herself. This is because her own mother-in-law planned her son's birthday party to be on that day – even though it is not the date of his actual birthday. Unfortunately, our protagonist's husband does not push back against his mom's plans, and she takes to the internet to figure out how to navigate this socially difficult situation. Scroll down below to find out what these wise netizens had to say about her predicament. 

Author image for Ely Bulnes Ely Bulnes
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    Am I overreacting by being upset that my MIL planned my husband's birthday party on Mother's Day?

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    1 27 F am married to my husband 29 M. We welcomed our first child, a wonderful baby girl this past year. The problem is that Mother's Day is this Sunday and my husband's birthday is a few days off from Mother's Day. My MIL decided to host my
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    husband's birthday on Mother's Day along with some Mother's Day festivities. She didn't ask our opinion on the day or scheduling. She just got with her people and decided a time and date and expects us to show up.
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    I expressed some reservations about the timing of this Birthday party when she brought it up the first time. It was met with the brush off. She states it will be "Quick". Things with my husband's family seldom
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  • 05
    are. I am sad that it also leaves very little time for me to spend time with my mom. Or even just time for me and my husband and daughter to have family time. I feel like my MIL took a special day that was supposed to be for me and made it about her son and by default herself.
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    This is a symptom of a bigger problem I think. I am frustrated with my husband for not standing up for me and frustrated with my MIL for always insisting that her and my husband's family come first and giving me friction if I give any push back. I was raised
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  • 08
    to be respectful to my elders but I feel that I am being disrespected my both my MIL and husband. I don't know how to confront this tactfully and without doing harm to my relationship with the rest of my husband's family as it is not thier job to be
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    considerate of me that should be my husband's job. If I do not attend or leave early they will be offended, especially his Grandparents who I have a good relationship with and whose house it will be at.
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    I am bummed out that my MIL has put this expectation on my first Mother's Day as a mom to spend it celebrating husband's birthday and my husband not having a problem with it. He didn't have a second thought about it until I brought it up to him.
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    I know if we ask to reschedule it his mom will drag me through the mud and say I'm selfish and dramatic. I'm torn. Am I overreacting or is this kind of thoughtless/ selfish on their part? I love my husband but am I wrong for being hurt and disappointed that he didn't immediately stand up for me and let me have a happy peaceful first mother's day and took it over for himself?
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  • Her husband's birthday party planned by MIL is not even on his real birthday. She can celebrate with him on the actual date, and focus on herself and her own mom on Sunday. 

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    Icy-You3075 If I were you, I'd go to my mother's and celebrate Mother's Day with her. You can celebrate your husband's birthday with him on the actual day or if you already has something planned on another day.
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  • 14
    So what if they're offended. They'll get over it. Or not. But who cares? They certainly don't care about you. Stop being a doormat and your MIL will stop walking all over you.
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    Fantastic_Quarter_79 MIL is a symptom, but OP's husband is the real problem here. If he continues to choose his mother over OP and their child, OP will become (rightly so) resentful and the relationship will not last. OP has some serious thinking to do and decisions to make.
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    MeanderingUnicorn You have a big husband problem here. Your husband didn't consider at all why this was a problem until you pointed it out. You need to sit down with him and discuss what all these
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    subsequent Mother's days are going to look like. Did he even have anything planned?? You need to have a frank discussion about why you're hurt that you had to remind him to celebrate the mother of his child on her day.
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    And whatever you do, ALWAYS match his energy on Father's Day or you are going to be so bitter. In regards to your MIL, I wouldn't engage. It's your husband's job to set limits.
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    Tight-Shift5706 Two great points by Meandering Unicorn, OP! 1. Match his energy. 2. Do NOT engage with your MIL. That's your husband's responsibility. Happy Mother's Day to OP and all deserving mothers out there!
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  • 20
    good_enuffs I would take overhis birthday and make it about mother's day as well. Get a happy mother's day cake and blow it out after his birthday cake.
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    Pageybear13 Yep she does. I would lay it out to him if i were her. Your mother does not get to decide your nuclear family is more important than mine, More importantly she does not get to dictate how OUR family that we built together celebrates holidays and birthdays.
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    If you do not address this issues then this family (daughter and you) will be celebrating things as you see fit without him. Do not go to anything his MIL sets up without asking you.
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  • 23
    If he gets mad, tell him he is supposed to be your partner, not his mommy's. Then do what you want for mother's day, father's day, skip his birthday altogether.
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    I would probably be a bit of an a h le so i would probably ask my husband sarcastically if he wants mommy to come to our anniversary dinner with us? I know maybe he can celebrate it with just her! We are both sarcastic and tease each other so this probably is not something you should do though~
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    I have been married for 20 years and during our early marriage we had some issues. I sat down and told him i was not putting up with some behavior. I was very plain that if things did not change, i was not sticking around.
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    I ended up taking the kids and leaving to my parents when he didn't change said behavior. It woke him up and we have never had a serious issue since. We are best friends and I love him dearly
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    lefdinthelurch Your husband is not backing you up and is choosing himself and his family over you. Do with that what you will.
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    grumpy_g Just say no. It's your first mothers day. Go and celebrate with your mother or a close friend. Let them spend it alone. Don't allow them this or it will become a tradition.
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    YellowBeast Jeep This is your first Mother's Day. How you start is how you continue. If hubby won't tell his mother that he is going to spend your first Mother's Day with you and your baby, then let him go to the party alone. You and your child will be spending the day together.
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    Also, this "birthday party" is not a birthday party at all. Sure, there'll be a birthday cake and everyone will sing happy birthday to your husband, but it's really a way for your mil to have her son and her new granddaughter with her on Mother's Day. While she says there will be "some Mother's Day activities," you can bet that those activities will be focused on celebrating HER as a mother, but not you.
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  • 32
    chigirl00 Tell your husband to shape up, probably because new baby etc but no you are not overreacting
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    Maudegoblinn Go do what you need to do. Take your baby and go see your mom. Say you already made those plans and no one asked you.. his family just assumed you were free.. sounds like a them problem.
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    superwholockian62 Don't go to the party. Spend the day with your baby You are right about having a husband problem. Idk that I could respect someone so spineless enough to actually marry them
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  • 35
    Beautiful_Fig1986 I wouldn't go I'd say sorry but I had planned to spend my first mother's day with my daughter. Go spend it with your mum. Screw those people they did it on purpose.
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family drama marriage married with children birthday mother wife married life mothers day relationships parenting husband couples mother in law love family
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