28-year-old woman holds childhood grudge against manipulative younger sister for getting her grounded for a whole summer, refuses to invite her to wedding years later: "I don't have the guts to believe her"

What's the longest you've been grounded as a kid? I once accidentally downloaded all sorts of freaky stuff to my dad's laptop when I attempted to watch Gossip Girl on a sketchy website. This earned me a month-long punishment wherein I had zero access to the internet, and I had to stay at the library after school to do any homework that required it. And even after that, I had to turn in the laptop after 10:30 each night until Junior year of high school. 

While I still think that my parents' reaction was a little excessive, I do admit that it was completely my fault. However, in our story today, a little girl is grounded for an entire summer due to her sister's lies. Years later, our protagonist refuses to invite her manipulative sister to her wedding, holding on to a childhood grudge caused by her sister's deceitfulness. Scroll down below to find out how her family reacts to our protagonist's decision to take control of her own wedding guest list. 

Author image for Ely Bulnes Ely Bulnes
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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to invite my estranged sister to my wedding despite my parents' threats?

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    I 28f have a younger sister, Emma 25f, who I have been distant from for the last two years. During our childhood, Emma was very adept at manipulation.
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    She repeatedly deceived our parents to get me into trouble, and her dishonesty reached its worst when she said I was stealing money from them when I didn't, resulting in me being grounded for the whole summer.
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    As we became adults, she didn't improve. During family gatherings, she would instigate arguments, circulate gossip, and overall create an and unwelcoming atmosphere for everyone. The final straw was when she told our relatives that I was marrying solely for my fiancé's wealth, which is entirely false and very r de, distasteful, and painful.
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    Following that event, I severed ties with her. It was a tough choice, but I believed it was needed for my mental wellbeing because that night hurt a lot. Recently, Emma contacted me to apologize, saying
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    that she's transformed and wishes to restore our relationship to even stronger than it was before. A part of me wishes to trust her, but her past dishonesty makes me cautious and honestly I don't have the guts to believe her (as much as I want to)
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    Also, my parents are urging me to ask Emma to the wedding. They hold strong conservative views and think that family should always take precedence, regardless of circumstances. They believe the wedding might provide an opportunity for
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    reconciliation between her and me. Nonetheless, I'm afraid that she might create chaos and completely ruin the wedding. My fiancé backs me in any decision I make and also shares my worries about possible conflict.
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    The situation got worse when my parents said they would not come to the wedding if Emma is not invited. This seems like emotional manipulation, and it's breaking me down and I don't know what to do. I care for my parents and have always envisioned their presence on my special day, but I also refuse to be compelled to invite someone who has caused me significant pain.
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  • The timing is just perfect, isn't it? It's all a manipulation. If her sister really cared about being forgiven, she would let our protagonist do it at her own pace instead of suddenly calling before the wedding. 

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    To make it even more complicated, our wedding budget is restricted, and our guest list is already at its limit. Inviting Emma would involve excluding someone else, such as a good friend, which feels unfair.
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    AITA for not inviting my estranged sister to my wedding, even if it could result in my parents not attending? Should I offer her a second chance, or prioritize my peace on my wedding day?
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  • 14
    Edit: Emma's apology seemed sincere, but I can't tell if it's real given her track record. Also, my fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves, so I feel like it's our call who gets invited.
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  • If you're paying for your own wedding, only you control the guest list. That's how it is, and how it always has been.

  • 15
    me and they were making claims like that because i didn't invite my sister who i cut ties with YEARS AGO, i would officially take back their invite, it's sound to me like they don't deserve you more your time and love
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    FindomTessa OP Thank u so much. I totally agree that my sister doesn't deserve an invite after everything she's put me through over the years. Hearing you call it "torture" feels like that's what it was, and it's nice to know I'm not overreacting by cutting her out of my wedding.
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    slap-a-frap NTA - Just a thought. She goes from this: The final straw was when she told our relatives that I was marrying solely for my fiancé's wealth To this: Recently, Emma contacted me to apologize, saying that she's transformed and wishes to restore our relationship to even stronger than it was before.
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    grace_11 DEFINITELY NTA, your sister is crazy if she thinks she deserves an invite after the years of torture she put you through, and that definitely did seem like emotional manipulation from your parents, if it were.
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  • 20
    She just wants the Christmas gifts, the vacations, etc etc that comes with you marrying into wealth. Think about it. If your fiance wasn't wealthy, would she bother to reach out and apologize? You said that all of your life she has been manipulative. This
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    is a textbook example of that. She wants a "stronger" relationship than before but did you guys even have a relationship before? She's thinking about her and what she can get out of your marriage. Stick to your guns, OP. This is a hill to di on.
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    manygoodies Your parents and maybe also Emma is again manipulating you. The path to restoring a relationship doesn't start at your wedding. If Emma has really changed she will wait and allow things to develop at your pace.
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  • 23
    I believe Emma's call was planned to get an invite to your wedding and not the first step to relationship restoration. Your parent's threat makes me suspect that the 3 of them planned it. I would tell your
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    parents that Emma is not welcome at your wedding and if they choose not to attend your wedding they will have to deal with the consequences. Tell them that them missing your wedding will be because of a choice they made.
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    CSurvivor9 NTA. Your sister has not changed at all. You know this deep down. And we all know this because she's now getting your parents to miss your wedding. Your sister is loving this. Keep her on no contact. If your
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    parents don't come then invite two more people to take their place. Create a life with your husband away from all that toxic and manipulative bs. I know you love your parents, but they have picked your sister over and over again, and they are doing it now. Step away from them to save your sanity.
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    dlabsx ΝΤΑ It goes without saying your sister is a nightmare. wanting to restore your relationship to "stronger than it was before" is pretty silly, considering it was not strong at all, and that any strength was likely due to your repeatedly letting her off the hook for being horrible.
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    The manipulation your parents are pulling is, IMO, more unforgivable. They are signaling that your feelings don't matter. Of course you've pictured them at your wedding, but ask yourself if you want someone there who has so little regard for your emotional well-being.
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  • 29
    ScarletNotThatOne She has a habit of not only being nasty directly to you, but also manipulating your parents against you. She's doing it again now. Do not capitulate. NTA.
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    You might choose to explain this to your parents: "She sets you up against me, and she's doing it again now. When you join her against me, it makes me feel very sad and alone. I wish you wouldn't, but it's your choice."
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    CattleprodTF NTA. You'll notice that the complaints about "how can you do that to family?" will never, ever apply to Emma doing awful things to you, just to you reacting to her appropriately.
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  • 32
    FindomTessa OP I know. It's ridiculous
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    Individual_Metal_983 NTA ask your parents why it is that every time they have a choice, they choose your sister when she has been the one lying and causing division.
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    If your sister is sincere in her apology she will respect that you don't want her at your wedding. She will take the opportunity to prove she has changed and perhaps you can then have confidence in her sincerity and wish to change.
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family drama bride marriage groom AITAH wedding drama toxic childhood sisters siblings parenting wedding advice family sister Reddit entitled people
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