HR department demands woman lead morale-boosting company "culture initiative", protests when she refuses: 'Someone said I have good vibes because I bring muffins sometimes'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 6, 2025 9:00 AM EST

For all that people these days complain that they don't want to be friends with their coworkers and just want to do their job and go home, company culture is important to the well-being of employees. Even the antisocial will not enjoy being in a workplace where absolutely everything is about deadlines and deliverables, and there is no consideration for the welfare of those who are contributing to them.

That being said, it is no easy task to make sure that a business is doing enough to keep its employees happy. This is the kind of thing that requires a significant amount of planning and effort, which ideally should be handled by a paid member of staff who has it in their job description. While this is the kind of thing that everybody can contribute to, there is only so much that can be done when people have other tasks to focus on.

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  • a woman leans against a desk and stands in front of a board with papers pinned to it, holding a pair of glasses
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

     


     

  • Issues can arise when a business presumes that its employees will make significant sacrifices to pick up the slack when it comes to building morale and making somewhere a nice place to work. In this story, a woman felt like she was unfairly maligned after she rejected the responsibility to lead a “company culture” initiative for a quarter after her HR department decided to shift duties like birthday planning and snack restocking onto different members of staff.

    She felt annoyed that she had been chosen for this without her indicating that she wanted the position, and turned down the role as she felt it was beyond the responsibilities of her busy job as a data analyst. She faced pushback from different coworkers as a result, and she wanted backup that she wasn't being unreasonable.

  • AITJ for refusing to run all the office "morale" stuff after HR put my name on a sign up sheet without asking?

    I was hired as a data analyst last fall, small tech company, hybrid. My plate is full, Q2 dashboards, a messy migration, late night pager once a week.
    via PavelDune
  • Last month HR rolled out a "culture initiative", basically a spreadsheet of duties like birthday cupcakes, snack restock, welcome baskets, planning surprise parties, taking notes during meetings so managers can be more present, all that soft glue.
    via PavelDune
  • I didnt sign up, I was in a client call. Next day I get a ping, congrats, you are lead for quarter one morale, please pick a co lead.
    via PavelDune
  • My name was already typed in bold, apparently someone said I have good vibes because I bring muffins sometimes.
    via PavelDune
  • Those muffins are from Costco and were for my team because we shipped a rough sprint, not a personality.
    via PavelDune
  • I replied, thanks but no, I was not asked and this is not my job class.
    via PavelDune
  • a woman sits at her computer, holding a takeaway cup
    via Curated Lifestyle (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

     


     

  • HR wrote back, it is everyones job to build community, and we need women to lead because we listen better.
    via PavelDune
  • That made my skin crawl. I said again, will join events, I will not plan them.
    via PavelDune
  • My manager said we should be team players, but also admitted my objectives are behind and he needs me on the migration.
    via PavelDune
  • Meanwhile people started forwarding me requests, like a dev asked if I can stock energy drinks with zero sugar, and a director told me to schedule a baby shower at 3 pm on sprint review day.
    via PavelDune
  • I stopped answering, and HR created a group chat called Morale with me as owner. I left the chat.
    via PavelDune
  • Yesterday HR pulled me into a video call with a slide deck about how culture work is undervalued, which I agree, but that means you pay people or adjust load, not secretly assign women.
    via PavelDune
  • I said if they want an actual coordinator role, post it, I will even help write the req, but I am not free labor because I smile and print stickers straight.
    via PavelDune
  • Now Im getting side eyes, and someone said I killed the vibe, which is wild because our vibe lately is three outages and lukewarm pizza.
    via PavelDune
  • My manager told me to write it up for HR formally, so I did, including the gendered comment.
    via PavelDune
  • HR is "disappointed" and says they will re evaluate the process, but a few coworkers think I made drama for nothing.
    via PavelDune
  • TLDR, company stuck me as unpaid morale lead without asking, with a gendered reason, I declined and documented it, people are salty.
    via PavelDune
  • businesspeople dance in an office at night wearing party hats
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

  • People were on her side.

    Due_Cricket1885 Gross how they try to force shit on you
    via Due_Cricket1885
  • Joopaboop If anyone criticizes you for refusing to do the extra unpaid role, just email hr and let them know that whilst you have not volunteered, these people have made it clear that they are happy to do all this extra work for free. See what happens then. Ntj and I am really sorry that you are basically being assigned extra work due to your gender. Save all emails and texts in a separate non work email just in case.
    via Joopaboop
  • Medical-Potato5920 NTJ. Remind them that selecting you know the basis of your gender for this task is gender discrimination. Gender discrimination is not going to improve the culture at your workplace. Culture needs to be led from the top.
    via Medical-Potato5920
  • Dr_Spiders "HR wrote back, it is everyones job to build community, and we need women to lead because we listen better." The fact that HR put this in writing is wild.
    via Dr_Spiders
  • Pizza_Machin3 NTJ what they're looking for is an office manager, which is a job position they can pay someone to do.
    via Pizza_Machin3
  • Fool_In_Flow I'm in college and last week, my professional development class taught us this exact thing will happen to women if they aren't careful of it. My professor told us "the women will be busy planning the office party while the men are building their resumes. Don't let this happen to you!". I wish I could read this post to my class.
    via Fool_In_Flow
  • Informal-Builder 1298 NTJ Early in my career as a safety engineer, I was informed that under "other assigned duties" | was expected to take a turn answering the front desk. I pushed back, hard. I asked when the make engineers were expected to take their turn answering phones and signing visitors in and got the "uh, ummm, ok" response. I made it clear this was discrimination and they ultimately dropped it, but I was labeled the stuck up bitch for refusing. Oh well. Not my fault the other women ne
    via Informal-Builder1298
  • Adelucas NTJ and maybe start locking for another job
    via Adelucas
  • Which Witch9402 The gendered comment is the real issue here. They're pushing all this work on the women.
    via WhichWitch9402
  • Petite01Nbusty not the jerk here, u said no politely and even offered a solution, HR just wants free labor and some people can't handle someone standing up
    via Petite01Nbusty

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boss aita morale employee hr manager work coworkers human resources workplace reddit thread Reddit culture
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