24-year-old bride's "traditional" in-laws demand that her parents pay for her wedding, stepdad refuses despite having paid for his bio son's wedding: "They can get married at the courthouse like we did for less than $100"

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Mar 14, 2025 8:00 PM EDT

Back in the day, when people got married, the bride's parents would offer a dowry – a piece of land or large sum of money – meant to compensate the groom's family for the cost of taking care of their daughter. Even though at the time women were expected to cook, clean, and raise children, they were still seen as a nuisance that needed to be paid for. Dowries eventually evolved into having the bride's family pay for most, if not all, of the wedding expenses. Both practices are thankfully being done away with, but there are those who still cling to the old ways.

In our story today, a man's stepdaughter is poised to marry soon. Her fiance comes from a more "traditional" family who expect her side to cover the cost of the wedding – the word being in quotes here because it seems that the family only follows traditions when they can get something out of it. Our protagonist and stepfather to the bride outright refuses, causing a bit of a stir considering he shelled out money for his bio son. Scroll down for more.

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  • 01

    AITA for paying for my son's wedding but not my stepdaughters?

    "I do not plan to contribute anything."
    via manifeesto
  • 02
    My wife and I have been together for 8 years, married for 6. She has a daughter (24F) and two younger kids from a previous relationship. I have a son (22M) from a previous relationship.
    via u/Few-Awareness-8732
  • 03
    I am not big on weddings. I consider them a waste of money. Mt wife and I got married at the courthouse. My son is getting married this summer.
    via u/Few-Awareness-8732
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10479743488
    via Joaquin Corbalan

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    He decided he wanted a wedding. I had saved a substantial amount of money for him over the years for college or whatever he wanted to do after high school. He didn't need that money because he got a scholarship. I am splitting the cost of the wedding with his fiancees' parents. My half is coming from the money I saved.
    via u/Few-Awareness-8732
  • 06
    My stepdaughter recently got engaged. Her fiancé's family is "traditional" and expects her family to pay for all of it. My wife asked me how much we are willing to spend (note: my wife and I maintain
    via u/Few-Awareness-8732
  • 07
    separate finances). I told her outside the $2,000 or so I plan to spend on wedding gifts, I do not plan to contribute anything. She essentially said she cannot afford the cost of the wedding on her own, especially considering she is solely responsible for paying for the young kids' college and she has to save for that (my wife's ex refuses to contribute
    via u/Few-Awareness-8732
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10479743232
    via oattobar69

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 09
    anything whatsoever beyond child support until they are 18 years old). I told her they can get married at the courthouse like we did for less than $100. She said I could you use some of the money in my savings that I had set aside for my son. While that is technically my money, as far as I am concerned, it is my son's money.
    via u/Few-Awareness-8732

  • Why isn't there more pressure being put on her bio dad? It's not fair that this is all falling on our protagonist.

  • 10
    My wife is upset because she sees it as fundamentally unfair that my son is getting a nice wedding and her daughter is not. While I understand the frustration, I do not think that it is my place to remedy the problem.
    via u/Few-Awareness-8732
  • 11
    Cheezburger Image 10479743744
    via StockSnap from Pixabay

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 12
    redelectro7 Her fiancé's family is "traditional" and expects her family to pay for all of it IMO this is where the problem is, not you not wanting to pay. If they couple can't pay themselves, them putting all the financial burden on the girl's family isn't a solution.
    via u/redelectro7
  • 13
    Either the wait until they have money to get married or the families should split it and if her father isn't willing to put in any money, then her budget is what her mother can contribute.
    via u/redelectro7
  • 14
    KetoLurkerHereAgain I love how "traditional" some people suddenly get when it's actually super convenient and useful for them.
    via u/KetoLurkerHereAgain
  • 15
    JustOne_Girl I hope they are also traditional for their son, i.e. expect him to pay 100% of the bills and she pays 0
    via u/JustOne_Girl
  • 16
    Morrigan-71 Given the fact OP placed traditional between quotes, I guess they are not thát traditional. In other words: traditional when it benefits them...
    via u/Morrigan-71
  • 17
    Noidentitytoday5 "Traditional" has it that the brides father pays for the wedding, if they want to be choosy. Where is the stepdaughter's dad in all of this? I'm not a wedding person either- I feel it's become a ridiculous circus feeding the narcissistic "it's MY special day, I'm going to do whatever I want"...
    via u/Noidentitytoday5

  • They don't really sound more like opportunists and moochers than people with traditional values. 

  • 18
    The fact of the matter is that your stepdaughter was 18 when you married her mom. She's an adult. You didn't have a hand in raising her (or things might be different). Mom could have set $ aside if she could. Regardless it isn't your issue as much as it sounds callous.
    via u/Noidentitytoday5
  • 19
    Stepdaughter needs to scale back her plans to something that is affordable or speak to her dad about his contributions.
    via u/Noidentitytoday5
  • 20
    NTA Material_Cellist4133 But I think the argument the wife should be having with her daughter is that she should be picking a better life partner. The wedding is for both the daughter and her fiance so both should contribute to the wedding.
    via u/Material_Cellist4133
  • 21
    SophisticatedScreams And also, why are the families making these agreements with each other? Why aren't the married spouses-to-be stepping up and making their own financial and logistical decisions? (Same
    via u/SophisticatedScreams
  • 22
    with step-son, I suppose. Not sure why parents are talking to each other about this.) It could be a cultural pocket where this is normal, but it seems like a disempowering step for people who are about to start their grown-up lives together.
    via u/SophisticatedScreams
  • 23
    No_Glove_1575 NTA. Your stepdaughter was an ADULT when you married her mom and you did not really raise her. She has 2 living bio parents to fund her wedding. Sounds like she agrees to separate finances only when it's convenient for her.
    via u/No_Glove_1575
  • 24
    Winternin NTA. As you said, you and your wife maintain separate finances. That means she's not entitled to your money. She didn't contribute your son's wedding but expects you to contribute to her daughter's? Does she not see the irony in that?
    via u/Winternin
  • 25
    Ok-Advantage3180 NTA does your wife's daughter's dad not want to contribute to his daughter's wedding? Not your child, not your responsibility as far as I'm concerned
    via u/Ok-Advantage3180
  • 26
    Few-Awareness-8732 OP I would be shocked if he would contribute to a wedding. He did not want to contribute a dime so his daughter could go to his alma mater that he loves.
    via u/Few-Awareness-8732
  • 27
    LectureBasic6828 How about couples pay for their own wedding? The days of the brides parents paying is long, long gone. You are not a traditional family so this doesn't apply to you.
    via u/LectureBasic6828
  • 28
    Forsaken-Photo4881 Her daughter could get a second job and so could her fiancé to pay for their own wedding. Many people do it
    via u/Forsaken-Photo4881

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family drama bride groom wedding drama fatherhood siblings reddit story relationships parenting stepdaughter wedding couples love entitled stepdad Reddit entitled people
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