Mom can no longer deny favoritism allegations after breaking promise to 16-year-old daughter to spend one-on-one time with her for her birthday despite doing so for her other children: "I will never believe she doesn't prefer them"

Spending one-on-one time with your kids is absolutely essential. By spending one-on-one time with your son or daughter, you demonstrate to them that you not only love them because they are your kids, but because you value them as individuals. You can also grow closer by engaging in activities that you both love. Growing up, I liked going on jogs with my athetlic dad; my mom and I liked watching telenovelas together and gossipping about the characters.

In our story today, a mom loves having one-on-one time with her kids. She takes them to indoor sports centers, spa days, and hotels with water slides for their birthdays and even without reason sometimes. Well, that's not entirely true. All of her kids get this treatment except for her eldest daughter. When the teen brings up her fear of favoritism to her mom, she makes a promise to take her on a trip for her sixteenth birthday. But the day comes and goes with no one-on-one time. 

Author image for Ely Bulnes Ely Bulnes
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  • 01

    AITA for telling my mom I won't ever forgive her if she breaks her promise and takes my half sister on a 13th birthday weekend trip if she doesn't do my delayed 16th birth trip first?

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  • 02
    I (17f) am my mom's oldest kid and there's been a lot of upheaval since she and my dad broke up when I was 1. She started dating her husband when I was 3 and she got pregnant fast, then they broke up, one of my half sister's was born while they were
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    broken up, they had a brief period of getting back together and conceived one of my half brother's before breaking up again. I was 8 by the time they got back together for real and I was 11 when they got married.
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  • 04
    After they got married things settled and my mom started doing this 1:1 things with each of my half siblings but she had excuses for not doing them with me. So for "big" birthdays which is like 5, 10, 13, 16 and 18 she has talked about these 1:1 weekend trips to celebrate. She'll do 1:1 spa trips
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  • 05
    with my half sisters, she'll take the boys to an indoor sports place for the day. Sometimes she'll take them for an overnight stay in a hotel that has a huge pool and water slide. Those aren't for any special reason.
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    via HHakim

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  • 07
    My mom mostly takes me to run errands for 1:1 with me. It's never fun and my mom gets frustrated when I don't know everything she wants. But my mom gets different stuff every week.
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  • 08
    When I was 15 I told my mom I felt like she favored my half siblings and I asked if she cared more about having a good relationship with them because she loved their dad and hated mine. She told me it wasn't true and asked where I got the idea from. I told her she made a big deal out of birthdays and
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  • 09
    making them a priority and 1:1 time but she doesn't do the same for me. I told her the birthday thing started before I turned 13 but we didn't go away for a weekend. I told her she never takes me to the hotel overnight so we can swim and use the water slide together.
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  • 10
    My mom told me we'd do the trip for my 16th birthday and she promised she would stop making me feel less important. But then she was really sick on my actual 16th birthday and we didn't get to go and then her husband's mom d and they had to
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  • 11
    spend a lot of money on the funeral so she told me we'd have to delay it but she promised me she would make sure my delayed 16th birthday trip was the next trip to happen and she would not do one with my half siblings until then. And she had stuck to it but my half sister is turning 13 soon and mom started talking to her about where they should go. I
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  • 12
    brought it up to mom and she looked startled. She said making up my 16th birthday was taking longer than planned but it would happen and maybe we could do an extra special one for my 18th instead. I asked her if that would be 1:1 and she said if she
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    16
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  • 14
    goes bigger it would need to include everyone. I told her I didn't want that. I said I want the two trips the others would go in my shoes and I told her if she takes my half sister before making it up to me then I will never forgive her. I told her I will never believe that she doesn't prefer them.
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  • 15
    She said I was being unreasonable and compromises need to happen. I asked why she asked me to compromise and not them. I asked why she even kept me if I'm such a burden. She got mad and told me she never said or implied anything like that. She said I was looking to see the worst in her.
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  • 16
    And then she told me she felt like I should hold it against her and my half siblings less and it would be reasonable to think I wouldn't want to punish them for her not being able to make it up to me yet. I told her it I didn't care if they were disappointed at
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  • 17
    having to wait. That I was still waiting for one thing and hoping she wouldn't break another promise. I told her I was dumb to ever believe her because she's a liar and she clearly prefers them. She started yelling but I walked away from her and we haven't talked since.
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  • Wow, it's so very plain and clear that this mom's way of delaying the one-on-one time even more. On our protagonist's 18th birthday, she will have something come up, and agree to take her out for her 21st. And so on…

  • 18
    Snowprincess207 NTA! It is clear she favors your half siblings and will not admit it! I'm sorry to tell you but your mom has absolutely no intention of making up anything for you! When you turn 18, go no contact with her if you can! If she calls you guilt tripping you for leaving or asking for money/babysit, block her! She only sees you as a convenience!
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  • 19
    On a side note, do you physically look like your dad? If yes there's a chance she resents you as you remind her of him. How was the relationship dynamic between him and your mom? Was there cheating involved? Do you know the reason why they broke up? Where is your dad today?
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  • 20
    rigbysgirl13 Yeah, poor OP, that 1:1 trip is never, ever happening. And honestly, why would OP want to go anywhere with Mum 1:1, now? Mum's anger is a deflection from OP hitting the target 100%.
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  • 21
    Beth21286 Yep, OP needs to start saving and very visibly planning an 18th birthday trip with people worth her time. Mention it every time mum mentions the other kid's birthdays, make her squirm with it in public. If she doesn't want to be shamed for her appalling behaviour she should behave better.
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  • 22
    Ill_Stop9339 OP I don't look much like either parent from what I remember. But dad hasn't been around for more than a decade now. I don't know about their relationship really.
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  • 23
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    via RDNE Stock Project from Pexels

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  • 24
    UnequaledElk Your mom made a promise to you and it's not fair for her to prioritize your half sister's trip over yours
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    Eastern_Condition863 NTA, but you mother is majorly. Despite what she says, she is favoring them over you. Not sure why she's so shocked when you point it out to her. It's
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  • 26
    hard not to see the worst in her when that's all she's showing you. Do you have grandparents, aunts, uncles, to stay with for a while? It sounds like you need some space from her. You were right to call her a liar, because that's what she is.
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  • 27
    Infamous-Cash9165 She's shocked she got called out on her treatment, she thought she could indefinitely delay OP with "we'll do your trip soon" until OP is 18 and she kicks them out for her "perfect family".
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    UnequaledElk It's tough when parents don't realize how their actions affect their kids
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  • I think mom knows. Her daughter very clearly spelled it out to her; she just doesn't care. She's keeping her distance from her eldest on purpose. 

  • 29
    Trick Curve 1933 NTA. If your mom tries to talk again, "Very plainly, you've made your feelings clear. You made promises that applied only to your children with your current husband. Your promises to me are worth as much as
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  • 30
    the paper they're written on. I will not make an effort to be more understanding, nor will I compromise and accept being treated as less important again. I'm really tired of being the only person in the house to
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    compromise, and I've frankly reached my quota. Our relationship is no more. I will leave as soon as I can and you and I are done. You can focus 100% on the children you wanted and you don't have to worry about disappointing me ever again. I'm done chasing my mother's love."
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  • 32
    BrainySmurf When she gets mad at you for pointing out the truth she shows you that she is favoring them and doesn't plan to stop.
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  • 33
    My advice is to keep those grades up, make plans for when you are 18 and focus on yourself and your future. You've said what you had to say and now it's on her but please please don't allow yourself to get your hopes up.
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  • 34
    Professional Tell7435 nta Honey, I'm so sorry, it's obvious that your mother prefers your half-siblings. I feel like giving you a hug and telling you that everything will be okay. Just concentrate on your education and get your mother out of your life or have any contact with her. It's obvious that she will never change.
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  • 35
    Ill_Stop9339 OP Thank you. Even internet hugs make me feel a little less idk alone/unwanted/insecure. So I appreciate your reassurances.
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Tags

family drama married with children birthday sibling rivalry siblings motherhood relationships favoritism parenting raising teens divorce family sister
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