7-year relationship on the line 6 months before wedding when 28-year-old man refuses to move states for girlfriend's promotion that would double her salary: "It's the kind of opportunity that doesn't come around often"

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    I just got offered a major promotion, but he's said no to moving. I don't know what to do.

    "If i stay, I feel like I'm giving up an amazing opportunity"
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    My fiancé and I have been together for nearly seven years. We've built a life together. We own a house, have pets, and are supposed to be getting married in six months. From the outside, everything looks stable. But inside, I'm falling apart trying to carry all of it.
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    I was just offered a major promotion at work. It's a big step forward, and something I've been working toward for over two years. It would mean moving to a new city, but also comes with a pay increase that
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    would DOUBLE!!! my salary. Also, a chance to finally move into a more senior role. It's the kind of opportunity that doesn't come around often, and I'm very young to get the offer.
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    Cheezburger Image 10522572032
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    When I brought it up to my partner, he basically shut it down. He said he isn't ready to move for at least 6 months and would prefer to never move.
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    Unfortunately, the company needs an answer soon, and my current role is being eliminated in 2 months. I won't have a job, if I continue to wait.
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    This promotion has made me confront some other issues in our relationship. I've been carrying the emotional and household labor in our relationship for a long time. I planned the wedding, I do the
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    majority of the household Labor Day to day, I manage our pets, and I built our social life. I also support us financially and emotionally. He absolutely contributes financially, he owns the house and helps with logistics. But the day to day chores and work is on me.
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    BILLS WORK TEAM SHOPPING WORK MOTHER LEADER PETS GYM MEETIN SUSINESS WOMAN KIDS DINNER WIF
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    Emotionally, I also don't feel very supported. When I'm upset or struggling, he tends to withdraw or ignore it. If I try to share what I'm going through,
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    he'll change the subject or make a joke. I've tried to explain what I need. Presence, care, curiosity, a little warmth. It rarely happens. When I bring this up, he gets defensive or frustrated.
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    Now with this job offer on the table, I feel completely stuck. If I stay, I feel like I'm giving up an amazing opportunity. But if I go, it might mean ending a relationship I've poured years of love and effort into. Any recommendations from people that have been in this position?
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    Edit: The job is in another state, Im looking at up to 200k income, and it's closer to my family. My fiancé can also keep his job with the move. He owns the house, I pay rent. 50/50 on all the other bills/ expenses.
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    TLDR I'm engaged and supposed to get married in six months. I just got offered a big promotion that requires moving. My fiancé said no, and also hasn't been showing up for me emotionally for a long time. I feel stuck and unsure what to do next.
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    E
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    AffectionateBite3827 Emotionally, I also don't feel very supported. When I'm upset or struggling, he tends to withdraw or ignore it. If I try to share what I'm going through, he'll change the subject or make a joke. I've tried to explain what I need. Presence, care, curiosity, a little warmth. It rarely happens. When I bring this up, he gets defensive or frustrated. This will not get better with marriage and forget it if you have kids. Get out now while you can make a run for it and start over.
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    katdebvan 10000% At best this could be a wake up call that he needed to understand the effort she's been
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    putting in and show that he is willing to put in the effort to change. But absolutely don't get married in 6 months, not until you actually feel good about him being a partner.
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    iheartmilktea Yup, mom and three here, and read this, thinking, "whelp, if this is now, it's definitely not getting better after marriage, and definitely worse after kids."
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    Checking notes: your fiancé isn't present for you, isn't caring, isn't warm. What does your fiancé bring to the table, besides financially and owning the home?
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    Ritzy_Ditzy_92 "But if I go, it might mean ending a relationship I've poured years of love and effort into" This is sunk cost fallacy.
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    You have described a one-sided relationship that has not changed when you attempted to address it. What makes you think your fiancé will change if you turn the promotion down?
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    I think you need to ask yourself: If I turn this job down and never get this opportunity again, will I still resent my fiancé 6 years from now?
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    Personally, I think you'd be stupid to turn it down. But I have a partner who moved with me, so I'm biased.
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    paper_wavements If she takes the promotion, it will mean the end of a relationship wherein she: • • • does all the household labor does all the pet care (will certainly have to do all the childcare if they eventually have kids)
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    • isn't emotionally supported, & when she tries to bring this up, he just gets defensive instead of working on it OP, please read this & think about what you'd advise a friend in this situation.
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    pamelaonthego Take the promotion. You will absolutely regret not doing so.
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    Tight_Jaguar_3881 If you do not move your resentment will affect your relationship. What about you move and he sees if he wants to join you later? Does he not want you to be successful or the bigger earner?

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